Required Family Support During A Military Divorce

Army kids

Divorcing a Military Member? Understand how he or she is required to support your family during the process.In my time wandering around the internet, I come across lots of discussion and questions regarding the amount of family support that a military member is required to give their spouse and/or children during a separation or a deployment.  Obviously, this is a hot topic and there is a lot of emotion involved.  The good news is that there isn’t a lot of guesswork involved:  every service has some sort of regulation that addresses this issue.  In general, service members are required to provide some support to their family.  The details vary markedly between the services, though, so be sure to get the right information for your branch.

There are a few things to keep in mind:  any court order or legal agreement will override the services guidelines.  There are extenuating circumstances that will override the guidelines.  Also, these guidelines are designed to address temporary needs while the parties pursue the appropriate legal services and come to some sort of agreement outside of the military.  These guidelines are not designed to be used as permanent requirements.

In the event of non-support, the spouse requesting support should start with the service member’s commander.  If resolution is not happening at that level, then contact the local JAG office, then possibly the inspector general.  Support provided outside of a court order can not be made through garnishment – it is up to the service member to set up an allotment or provide the support directly.  The command can, however, encourage the service member to provide such support and use remedies such as officer fitreps, enlisted evals, and non-judicial and judicial punishments as appropriate.  Also, it is possible for DFAS to recoup BAH that has been paid to the service member and has not been appropriately used for support of family.  It doesn’t happen often, but it is possible.

All these guidelines are designed to encourage the service member and the spouse to seek permanent court or administrative judgments on the subject of support.  The military services does not intend these guidelines to be used in place of appropriate civil judgments, but rather to bridge the time between a separation and legal action.  It is in both parties’ best interest to come to an outside agreement or pursue the issue through the civil courts or administrative departments.

Air Force

I’m starting with the Air Force for two reasons:  it comes first in the alphabet, and it has the shortest (and least clear) guidelines.  Air Force Instruction 36-2906, Personal Financial Responsibility states that commanders are to “Advise members of the Air Force policy that they are expected to provide adequate financial support to family members and the procedures which the family member may implement to obtain involuntary collection of support through garnishment or statutory allotments.” (Paragraph 3.2.1) It also states that military members “Will provide adequate financial support of a spouse or child or any other relative for which the member receives additional allowances for support. Members will also comply with the financial support provisions of a court order or written support agreement.” (Paragraph 7.2)

The Air Force does not specify suggested amounts of support.  If a commanding officer receives a complaint of non-support, they are supposed to require the service member to prove that they are supporting their family.  The commanding officer is not permitted to define what level of support is considered adequate.


Army Regulation 608-99, Family Support, Child Custody and Paternity, addresses the issue of family support.  I find this regulation to be wordy and a bit confusing.  There are some parts that are perfectly clear, however, including this (from Paragraph 1-5-b):

Soldiers are required to manage their personal affairs in a manner that does not bring discredit upon themselves or the U. S. Army. This responsibility includes—
(1) Maintaining reasonable contact with family members so that their financial needs and welfare do not become official matters of concern for the Army (see para 2–1).
(2) Conducting themselves in an honorable manner with regard to parental commitments and responsibilities (see chap 2).
(3) Providing adequate financial support to family members (see paras 2–3 through 2–9).

There is a formula for calculating the amount of support that the Army suggests, located in paragraph 2-6.  It looks complicated, but as long as you are talking about one family unit, it isn’t as hard as it looks.  It only gets complicated when there are multiple families, such as when a soldier has children from two different marriages.  The formula is based on the non-locality BAH rate, sometimes called BAH II.  These rates change each year and this link goes to the 2011 rates.

In general, if a soldier is supporting a single family, the soldier is required to either let the family live in the government provided quarters that he or she receives in lieu of BAH, or provide support in the amount of the current year’s non-locality BAH rate.  (You can find the current non-locality BAH rates here.)  If there are multiple families, or if the dependents of a single family are residing in separate locations, the non-locality BAH rate is pro-rated amongst the number of eligible dependents.  For example, if a soldier has a wife and child, and the wife has moved home with her parents but the child has gone to live with the other grandparents, the soldier would provide 1/2 of the non-locality BAH rate to the wife and 1/2 to the persons caring for the child.

The North Carolina State Bar Association has an easy-to-read fact sheet about Army support guidelines.  You might find it helpful if the actual regs are hard for you to read.

Coast Guard

Coast Guard regulations regarding family support can be found in Commandant Notice 1000, Chapter 8.M, Support of Dependents.  This sentence, found in 8.M.1.a, sums it up nicely,

It should be noted that while the Coast Guard lacks the authority under federal law to compel members to support their dependents or to exercise discretion over a member’s pay with the exception of garnishment orders, the obligation to support dependents is nonetheless considered binding on all members under penalty of administrative or disciplinary action, or both.

The instructions further say that, in the absence of a court order directing the amount of support to be provided, a commanding officer is to use the following formula:

Spouse Only:  BAH Difference* plus 20% of Base Pay

Spouse plus one child:  BAH Difference* plus 25% of Base Pay

Spouse plus two or more children:  BAH Difference* plus 30% of Base Pay

*For this formula, BAH Difference is defined as the difference between the With Dependents and Without Dependents rate for that service member, based upon rank and location.

Marine Corps

The Marine Corps explains the support it recommends in the Marine Corps Manual for Legal Administration, Chapter 15, Financial Support of Family Members.  The Marine Corps uses two figures to determine the minimum amount of support it suggests.  First, it takes the total number of family members (including the service member), and divides the amount of BAH/OHA by the number of family members.  It then multiplies the result by the number of family members being supported by the spouse who is seeking support from the service member.  For example, if a service member is receiving $1000 in BAH, and the spouse is seeking support for her/himself and two children, the service member would be ordered to provide $750 per month in support (3 people times 1/4 BAH each.)

Here’s what it looks like in list form:

  • 1 family member:  1/2 BAH/OHA, minimum $350 each.
  • 2 family members:  1/3 BAH/OHA, minimum $286 each.
  • 3 family members:  1/4 BAH/OHA, minimum $233 each.
  • 4 family members:  1/5 BAH/OHA, minimum $200 each.
  • 5 family members:  1/6 BAH/OHA, minimum $174 each.
  • 6 or more family members:  1/7 BAH/OHA, minimum $152 each.*  For more than six family members, the BAH/OHA pro-rated shared will continue to increase, but the minimum amount does not.

Without a court order or similar administrative judgement, the amount of support shall not exceed 1/3 of the Marine’s gross military pay per month.


Navy guidelines for family support can be found in the MILPERSMAN Section 1754-030, Support of Family Members.  The Navy formula is pretty simple.  You calculate the sailor’s gross pay by adding the base pay and housing allowances.  Do not include Basic Allowance for Subsistence (BAS), incentive pay, sea pay, hazardous duty pay, or any other specialty pays.  Then divide the gross pay as listed below:

  • Spouse only, 1/3 gross pay
  • Spouse and one child, 1/2 gross pay
  • Spouse and two or more children, 3/5 gross pay
  • One minor child only, 1/6 gross pay
  • Two minor children only, 1/4 gross pay
  • Three minor children only, 1/3 gross pay

Let me remind y’all – I’m not a lawyer.  I’ve basically cut and pasted this information from the relevant service publications.  Do your own research, too!

I can not emphasize enough that these regulations and guidelines are not meant to replace the process of pursuing child and spousal support agreements through the appropriate civilian court system.  Divorce is a civilian matter, and should be handled through the civilian system.  But until you are able to process through the right system, these guidelines and regulations provide some protections.


About the Author

Kate Horrell
Kate Horrell is a military financial coach, mom of four teens, and Navy spouse. She has a background in taxes and mortgage banking, and a trove of experience helping other military families with their money. Follow her on twitter @realKateHorrell.
  • KateKashman

    Shavon, the short answer is no, except to the extent that they need to make sure the bills are paid in order to keep their credit clear. Each branch has slightly different rules about “payments in kind” – some branches say that paying a bill means that you can deduct that amount from the minimum suggested support, some don’t. Also, don’t forget three important points: these rules are designed to fill in the gap before a proper, legally-binding support plan is crafted, the commander has the latitude to not require the suggested support for many reasons, and there are always extenuating circumstances. Nothing written here is legal advice – check with your legal services department for more detailed information.

  • Sharon

    I just received notice that my soon to be ex is requesting support. I am contacting the Army Legal office to find out what my rights are. I have custody of my daughter and I dont live in GOV housing.

  • kathy

    My daughter had to leave husband,Navy, he was physically abusing . the last straw was when he threw a remote control across the room at me and left a 7 in welt that swelled up. and is now a huge bruise. she was smart and took photos this time.
    She drove 15 hours across the country, she quit a job,and left almost all her things behind for being in fear,her first thought was to get away from him because the next time could be her last time.
    He gave her 100.00 to get me home.
    He took 2000.00 wedding ring.
    Now that she is safe at home across the country. He called her and said he “talked to his command and explained his side of story: haha i will bet he did! Command told him he does not have to pay me anything.
    What does she do now she is a wreck….

    • KateKashman

      Kathy, I am sorry to hear about your situation. Separation or divorce is still essentially a civil matter, so your best recourse is to retain a lawyer. Also, you can contact any Navy Fleet and Family Service center to get help from the Family Advocacy Program.

      There are many resources available and most of them can be found through the Family Advocacy Program. If you are not comfortable using the Navy provided services, you can google and find all sorts of information.

      I hope this all works out for you.

  • Katie

    I need help please. This is my first marriage and it turned out horrible. ..My husband is in the Army, he was sending me support for the last eight months. He was very abusive he even broke my jaw, which I went through surgery on base for. Well the day before my last Dr. Appointment he came after me again that morning because he was going to be late for work. Essentially he almost bit my ear in two. I left that day and didn’t return. He stopped sending me support and went a wall when I tried to contact his commander. I recently found out he is back what should be my next step? I have tried to get ahold of his unit on fort Bragg, but I have not had any luck in doing so. Everytime I have tried to contacT his CQ they seem to be giving me the run around about getting numbers for his superiors. I live in Kentucky now while he is still in north Carolina. Any information would be helpful. Thank you Katie.

    • Katie:
      I really hope you have gotten some help before now but first, you should immediately contact the local domestic violence shelter to get help from them for your own safety. That is priority number one.
      Second, you need to hire an attorney ASAP. You should be getting post-separation support and this can be done through the regular civil courts easily. It does not have to be done through the military. Did you live in North Carolina for more than six months before recently relocating to Kentucky? If so, you can file for post-separation support, property settlement, alimony, (you don’t mention if there are children) right away. You should not wait. Please call someone in North Carolina to help you with this. Did you live in the Fort Bragg area? If so, I can try to get a referral for you in that area. We have a domestic (family) law practice in Wilmington, North Carolina but do not practice in the Fort Bragg area. However, as I said, you can contact our office and I could get you a referral or at least look online to find someone in that area. My information is: Tricia Tise. Website: (910) 251.9614 130 N. Front Street, Suite 201, Wilmington, N.C. 28401

    • Please get help from domestic violence shelter first. Next please contact a North Carolina attorney that practices in the Fort Bragg area. You can get support through the civil court system. You need an attorney that practices family law in the Fort Bragg, North Carolina area. You can find them easily online. It sounds like you are wasting your time going through his superiors at this point and you may get just as much or more support going through the civil court system.

      • Melissa

        hi my name is melissa . I went through the same runaround from fort bragg… they were trying to protect him.. I called n called and leaded im his w ife he hasn’t paid support in four yrs, nothing.. it wasn’t til he got to a base in maryland I google different numbers and finally I got to the right person. in a matter of two weeks it was going down.. I was so happy. after all the yrs of emotional abouse hey will pay#! start at jag office where he is located the first u talk to tell ur story they struggle and wat eva else ,I need I really need

  • REL

    my wife deployed to kuwait on July of last year! Being that the economy was so bad, me and my wife decided that i go to new york while she gets deployed! a couple weeks after i get to new york her mother and sister wants to borrow the car while theyre in the city! i gave them the car and they said i could pick up the car in three days. i go to pick up my car and her mother and sister says theyre not giving me my car back! i cursed her mother out and weve been beefin ever since. I end up homeless( literally) in new york

  • Rel

    because all my clothes, marriage papers and personal sentimental belongings were in the car! sleeping on trains and many other places i care not to divulge but i survived and made it back home to my daughter for christmas with a gift (i struggled for it though)! make a long story short she’s been found guilty in a military court plus i have physical information of her fraternizing with another soldier while she’s still married! she missed her payment this month and last month after her commander instructed her to have my support no later than the 29 of february! how do i collect backpay< my car< and other things such as furniture! i believe i can get her for adultery also because the soldier and myself had a run in when we were living at our duty station! what should be done! i.e. i am also taking antidepressants and sleeping pills from the trauma

  • Jessica

    My husband is in the Marines and just recently cut off access to my card on our joint account through USAA then called and told me he did it, can he get into trouble for that? We don’t live together and I’ve got a job that barely gets me by half the time. Aren’t I entitled at least some of the BAH for my living costs were I currently live.

    • BBAdams

      He cannot take so much as a penny, not to mention any furniture, belongings etc. from the moment he files for separation. If he changes your finances after separation papers have been filed, he is in contempt of court. If you live separately but do not have any official paperwork filed with the courts you are entitled to roughly 1/3 of his gross pay plus BAH (regardless where either of you live) until a civil court addresses the case and orders spousal support. If you have say, two kids, he has to pay you 3/5th of his gross pay which is base pay plus BAH (regardless of where either of you live). You need only approach his CO and explain the circumstances providing any and all evidence you can come up with. His CO can (and likely will) order him to pay the support including back-support. His CO can even order an allotment if your husband fails to hop to it. P.S. Any money or property he takes before you file papers is info to give his CO…and remember, he can’t take you off account without your signature or a final divorce decree. Go to that bank and slap em’ around.

      • BBAdams

        That’s the link that takes you to spousal rights. Good luck, Chica!

        • N R L

          Does that apply for Marines as well or only Navy. Where can I find this information regarding Marines?

          • Kate

            NRL, you can find the information regarding Marines in the article above. It is clearly explained and the relevant regulations are linked.

          • N_R_L

            Thank you.

  • norcalpaxton1

    If I am overseas in the barrack on an unaccompanied tour, but my daughter lives in san diego, do i rate BAH for the 6 months i am supposed to have her with my 50% custody? there is nothing in the JFTR that clearly states yes or no. There is an order that use to say clearly i do, but it now says to refer to the JFTR. IPAC won’t help, they keep giving me the run around

  • T

    My wife is in air force. She informed me while on deployment she wanted a dissolution of marriage. She took all of our money out of account including the spousal deployment money. Who can I report her to? I need help.

    • KateKashman

      T, there are a couple of factors here. Do you have children? Do you work? If you don’t work, is your unemployment directly related to her military service? Do you have financial obligations together, such as a mortgage or lease? While the military expects servicemembers to support their families, there is also the expectation that spouses who are able to support themselves will do so. Have you spoken with her about your joint financial situation?

      I strongly recommend that you speak with a lawyer who is familiar with military divorces. Any recommendations of the military are only designed to be in place until you have a separation and support agreement in place. It is in your best interest to pursue this as quickly as possible.

      If you are caring for your children and need financial help, I would recommend that you absolutely speak to her command. If it is just the two of you, I’m not sure it is in your best interest to stir up trouble in her workplace.

      Good luck to you.

      • Corey Jackson

        I say stir up her workplace if you need support! Many women has tore up Male servicemembers career over this exact same thing. although the MILPERSMAN doesn’t give specifics, if her command is atleast fair about this situation, they will recommend to her to jelp you financially until you find a resolution yourself. What was said in the previous comment ways true however, ask around the fleet about this same incident, and you will find a number of Male servicemen chime in about their situations as it relates to this. Good luck to you, and if you have children, please think of them as you pursue this. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

  • Danielle

    If my husband and I aready filed for dicorve (ca state, navy) is it too late to find out about spousal support? I have been a stay at home wife and student for the last 2 years of being married and he has been giving me money only until divorce is final which is in april. From there I am supposed to move out of base housing with no where to go, no job, and I am in school still. I moved down here with him from WA state. Anything helps. Thank you!

  • darcey

    My ex husband is a U.S. Marine, who after his last deployment sexually assaulted my son. He has cancelled the original order for child support, then remarried quickly so my daughters support would be less. We go month after month w no support and marine corps isnt enforcing it.

    • guest

      He can’t cancel a child support order that was issued in the courts unless the child became of age. And even if he remarried, the remarriage and any subsequent children would have no impact on your child support. Did you not have an official child support order in place?

  • Tara

    For those person who are seeking Basic Housing Allowances; first start with your spouse’s command. If the Plantoon Sergeant isn’t helpful, go to the 1st Sergeant if he or she isn’t helping, go to the Company’s Command such as a MAJ, CAPT, or LT. If that doesn’t work go to the Battalion Commander, which is a LT Colonnel or full bird Colonnel. If that does not work, write your local Congress Representative then someone wil respond because the Army personnel does not want to get in trouble for not handling problem that surface at units. Besides, the Military Armed Forces is downsizing, and no one wants to keep incompotent service personnel on payroll. Keep in mind the Army works directly with Congress.

    To retrieve the Command’s information off line type in your spouse’s unit information and search under the section that reads contact us. If anyone is married to a service member, then his or her spouse is definitely entitled to receiving BAH.

    Get what you deserve, today! Lastly, contact the JAG Office to seek what kind of spousal support is due to a spouse, or child. Never give up on what is rightfully yours, and always research for answers.

    God’s blessings! Peace!

    • guest

      Tara, you as a spouse, are NOT entitled to any of the servicemembers pay and BAH except for the portion of BAH and BAH diff which is about 200-300/month. That is all you are entitled too without a court order. JAG can’t do anything to help you since divorce and separation are civilian matters NOT military. Without a court order your military spouse pretty much owes you nothing. If your disgusting actions got you more then that it was probably your husbands command suggesting it just to get you out of their faces because you were disrupting day to day work life for your husband, themselves, and every other soldier in the unit.

      Frankly, I would LOVE to see your Congress Representative laugh when they open your letter, they will not do anything because once again it is a CIVILIAN matter.

      This is your SPOUSES pay NOT yours so it’s not “get what you deserve” what you deserve is the right to move on with your life, raise kids if you have them (and collect child support), get your own job, collect your own retirement and not be tied to a man you obviously don’t love any more. Once again without a civilian COURT ORDER your servicemember doesn’t have to give you anything.

      • guest #2


        • Dualmilitary
          • KateKashman

            BAH is paid to house the service member, if the service member is not living in the barracks. It is received at the with dependents rate if the service member has dependents. There is usually a small amount of difference between the without dependents rate and the with dependents rate. For example, an E-6 at Fort Bragg receives an extra $228 per month in BAH if he or she has dependents.

            Also, please don’t forget that single servicemembers who live in the barracks and are paying child support are entitled to receive BAH-Diff if their child support exceeds the amount of BAH-Diff. The BAH-Diff rate for an E-6 is $267 per month.

  • Jen

    My friend is a marine and he got married not so long ago less than 3months and they only stayed living together for 1 week because they got married to young and they didn’t understand each other no more as a couple… and he tried filling the annulment papers but she wont sign them because she wants him to pay her money for the wedding she planned eventhough she ask him to marry her in the 1st place… and now he has to give her money because she’s his wife but now she wants 20thousand dollars from him plus she wants to take him to court is that even legal??? Can he still get the wedding annuled??? Will he go to jail??

    • GUNZ

      I am pretty sure it’s not legal but it’s worth the money to file with a lawyer before she does. Whomever files first has control…i would think that any good lawyer would pick apart paying for the wedding. im sure it wasn’t her money probably dads but if my young daughter was gonna get married and i was footing the bill you would think i wouldn’t just cough up 20000 on two young kids wedding and if i did well….thats the gamble

  • Lewis

    my wife is in the army. I have no job I am in school and she does not support me at all but she wants a divorce what should I do?

  • Brandon

    My wife has been in the navy since December and I havent received any money from her to help support our daughter and were married

    • KateKashman

      Brandon, the first thing you need to do is to talk to your wife about this situation. If she is being difficult, you might want to remind her that the Navy requires its sailors to support their family members. If she is not cooperative, you might want to contact her chain of command.

      Good luck to you!

  • Ossie McMahan

    My son is currently married to a TSgt in the AF. His wife wants a divorce and she says she only has to pay him the difference between BAH w/dependents and BAH w/o dependents which comes to $42 dollars a month. I don’t think this can be right. She wants a divorce but he is still living in her house. Can you help me?

    • KateKashman

      Dear Ossie, If you look at the Air Force instructions listed in this article, you will see that a designated amount of support is not specified. If there are no children, and there is no reason why your son can not support himself, it is likely that he would not be eligible for spousal support. However, if your son’s wife is receiving BAH solely due to her marriage, then it would be sensible for her to provide some level of support until they are able to obtain a legal separation agreement that specifies support. In my opinion, providing housing is a lot of support. I would advise your son to speak with an attorney familiar with military divorces and to pursue full employment as quickly as possible.

  • worried

    my daughter had to leave her marine husband, physical, mental, verbal abuse, did not provide money or food for her while he was off at training for six weeks, he threatened to kill her and their unborn baby and her family over the phone. She came home got a mpo against him, had the baby. He recently left for deployment… what should she do next? He is addicted to porn, alcohol, do not know what else, has also not been paying bills. what should we do?

  • bagel

    I am active duty… my wife was convicted of felony DUI, has been through numerous alcohol treatment programs and is still actively abusing alcohol e.g., binge drinking and blackouts lasting several days; hundreds of dollars each week spent in bars and liquor stores. I am PCSing soon and she doesn’t want to move. How much financial support do I have to provide to ensure I don’t have any spousal support issues?

    • guest

      Are you filing for divorce or no?

  • Six

    My ex-husband is in the military and one day in 2006 he can home and said that he medically discharged from the military. We divorced in 2007. I saw him working at a civilian job in the city. During our divorce we were on good terms and I thought we were being honest with each other. So we had our day in court for our divorce but he had got there early and called me while I was making childcare arrangements for our son and stated that he was there and the clerk did not see our case. He told me that he was going to leave and I didn’t have show. So I relaxed. I got a call from him 20 mins later and said they just found our name and the judge said you have 15 minutes to get there… I rushed with my son in my hand. 10 mins. later he called and said the judge couldn’t wait any longer. He told me everything was fine…. Of course that was a lie, it all was. When we went to modify our child support order one day in 2011, they hit me with the news that they were just informed that he was being deployed. Also discovered that he was in the military since 1993. I feel foolish, how did I marry a military guy and not know it (I found out that he kept his uniforms at his moms house!). I asked him and he wont answer… but please someone who knows… what would the benefit to him be to keep me in the dark (not tell me about his military status? I just thought he had to tell me in 2005 and 2011, because of deployments!

    • guest

      It doesn’t sound like he was active duty, it sounds like he was in the Reserves to me. Depending on how long you were married, not knowing he was in the military might have helped protect his military retirement. However, how could you not know if he was forced to provide all of his pay stubs during the original child support case? Your lawyer, the courts, and the judge all should have had a copy of both of your pay stubs to determine the original child support amount.

    • KateKashman

      I think the other commenter is right, he is probably in the Reserves or National Guard. I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want you to know about his military service, except for the possibility of the division of military retirement in your divorce. Even so, the whole thing sounds a bit odd. I would talk with your lawyer to see if this has any impact on you or your child. Good luck to you!

  • michael

    Why do service members have to pay bah for there spouse if they commit adultery? I can understand giving bah for the child, but what if she lives with another man and had 2 other kids by this man?

    • guest

      Unless she has a court document saying you owe her X then you owe her nothing but the difference between BAH with and without dependents. There are “guidlines” the military has saying you have to give her half of BAH but most commands won’t force you to without a court order

  • Justwondering

    My so to be ex is n the Air Force, we have two children a 5yr old and a 11month old. I asked for a divorce befor he left for a remote to Korea, he has made it clear he’s going to do everything in his power to show he can’t pay much n child support, but want to take the kids from me and have me pay. I have always cared for them even when he was home, I’ve spoken to a coule of lawyers already and said that the court will decide what is best for the children money has nothing to do with it. But I still need reassurance, has anyone been in this situation and if so what was the outcome? Thanks

  • carole

    married to marine for 5 months, recently moved back home out of military housing with my oldest child and our child together(before marriage). he has also moved out of housing into apt with friend….havent a clue who or what to do, to recieve support while I settle children and find job. He has stopped all allotments set up during marriage…

    • guest

      You need to go hire a civilian attorney and get a legal separation or divorce. While you are separated he legally doesn’t have to provide you with anything outside of the with and without dependents rate (about 200 a month so if he’s paying for anything like your car payment he’s already covered). There are suggestions but without a legal document most commands can’t force him to send you anything. Married only 5 months the most you can hope for is child support on the one child but realize since you had the child before marriage he can demand a paternity test

  • Jadden

    My son’s father(we’ve never been married to each other)is active duty army. We have court ordered child support in place and just recently he took me back to court for a modification. The outcome increased the amount he is required to pay and is to be taken from his pay directly rather than him paying it manually as he’s done in the past. In the interim he’s supposed to still make manual payments until the money begins to be deducted. He has not done so thus far. I have not gotten any support since June 4 and he wouldn’t even help me with my son’s school clothes. During the course of this ordeal I discovered he receives full BAH for my son. It was my understanding that single soldiers were only entitled to BAH DIFF if their child(ren) don’t live with then 51% of the time. Is that accurate? If so, he’s committing fraud is he not? My son has never lived with his father. This is the first time he’s ever lived in the same state with him and even now he barely even sees him. Can I report that he’s getting full BAH for a child that he’s not caring for 51% of the time? If so, who would I report it to?

    • Jadden
      • guest

        If he’s high enough in rank, or there is no available on post housing, then he is entitled to BAH even though your son doesn’t live with him. The fact that the child is in DEERs would make it at the with dependent rate so more then likely he’s not doing anything wrong.

      • guest

        Also, remember if he’s “doing something wrong or committing fraud” then you are shooting yourself in the foot reporting it because it will significantly lower your child support if BAH is no longer taken into account.

  • Mike

    I am a Senior Airman, with a pre-military marriage. I have been pursuing a divorce, but have been waiting for my wife to get back on her feet (get a job, get a car, etc). Long story short, this has been going on for over 3 years, and we have not lived together since I left home for basic training. I have been paying for my wife’s housing all this time. Initially, I provided enough to pay for her entire apartment (~$600, approx 1/3rd of my BAH at the time). As the year progressed and she continued to show no effort in becoming independent so we could file for divorce, I cut her down to only the difference between single and married BAH (about $200). She has consistently pushed me and claimed I do not support her enough, and “need to be a husband for once”. She has asked me to provide her $500 a month, which is half my BAH. Essentially, she wants me to pay for two apartments in two different states, with one housing allowance.

    I have reached the breaking point and do not care what happens to her now, as she continues to show no progress in stabilizing her situation by holding down a job, and instead spends her time out using drugs (there is no way for me to prove this to a court, however) and takes trips across the country to see friends. My question is, am I still legally obligated at this point to continue to pay for her? We have been separated for over 3 years, and the only thing that would send a clear message to her would be to cut her off completely, and send divorce paperwork to her mailbox.

    I’m heading to the legal office next week to see what my options are. Any advice would be appreciated.

    • guest

      Base legal can’t help you, you need a civilian attorney. You’ve done the right thing and if there is no legal separation document then all you technically owe her his the difference in with and without dependents rate. Some commands might say to give her more but that is going to be on a case by case basis, without a court document they can’t really force you to do anything (but they can make life hell if you don’t). I’d say keep giving her the diff rate until you have a court order telling you otherwise and file for divorce ASAP as in like this week. The longer you draw this out the larger portion of your retirement pension she is entitled to. Make SURE your civilian lawyer uses a process server to give her the papers since that generally comes with the attachment that she’s got X days to respond to the papers, if she chooses not to then you have the right to move it through the courts without her input.

  • Anonymous

    I’m married like 2yrs and he has my sOn in states I can’t go in states coz he is not doing my paper work is theres a way I can get my son to my husband or do my paper work i have military I’d and I’m he’s 2page but till now he don’t do my visa my health care ,SSS , I just want my son back to me …is there’s a way that I can get my son to him in states I’m current living in the Philippines ….

  • John

    Jadden, go ahead and report it to family advocacy. He is however entitled to BAH with dependent a, but it sounds like you just want to start trouble so have at it. Hopefully they reduce his pay so you get less….? Ever think of that?

    • Jadden
  • Michelle

    My husband (soon to be ex) was a Marine who was medically discharged in February. We have been married over a year, and he recently asked me for a divorce and kicked my daughter (who is not his) and myself out of the house that we were renting together 2 months ago. He took the car that he got for me (but it is in his name not mine) and has pretty much told me he will not help me with anything. I have had to relocate my daughter and myself and now I have to find another car to get back and forth to work with. He is still collecting dependant pay for my daughter and I. I am wondering if I am entitled to any of that money?

  • dee

    My son in law and I use that term lightly because he doesn’t deserve to be my son in law is deployed. Since he was deployed in May of this year it took him a couple of months (am assuming a couple of months) to post on a military dating site that he is separated from my daughter which he is NOT and found himself an online girlfriend which he has posted on Facebook that he loves her and will be coming to live with her when he comes back from deployment. I was told last night by the girls mother that he (son in law) sent this girl $1600.00 dollars to buy a car with when his wife had no vehicle to drive after having been in an accident. I saw him post on FB laughing at her because she did not have a way to work and had to spend what little she makes on a rental car so she could have a way to work……does anyone know WHO I can talk to to send her information on what can be done about her husband?

  • mother of 2

    I’m married to my active duty army spouce. When he and I got married I was active duty as well. Now we have 2small children and he just recently deployed. We have a joint account and I live in the on base housing with our children. He has changed the direct deposit of his paycheck into an account with just his name. Although I have power of attorney general and special I’m not trying to be the bitchy wife trying to take everything. I do not want a divorce and neither does he. But he does not want to provide very much money for me to pay the few bills I have in my name and to buy groceries and formula for our infant. He isgiving me a sort of ultimatum. Take I or leave it kinda thing. But considering we spent the last 5yrs in hawaii and didn’t barely own long sleeve’s and are now going to be in for our first white winter..I have to get winter clothes and he doesdoesn’t think they need them etc etc…I just want to know if there is even a bottom line amount he is saposed to make sure we have to provode the basics. Were married for 3yrs and have two small children and I live on post. I’m unemployed currently because he is unwilling to pay for daycare of two small children if I get a job. Hence why I have to just stay at home. I would appreciate any help in this area. I couldn’t find any online info on the subject of married spouces not seeking divorce but he doesn’t like to provide money for me to support the kids. Hes deployed and makes around $1500 every 2 weeks but doesn’t even like to give me 1/4 of that. Please..any info is helpful

    • KateKashman

      If you are legally married, there is the expectation that your husband will support you. There is no clear definition of support, but your husband’s command would certainly be very unhappy to hear that he is not providing you with support. I would recommend that you start with the base chaplain or a counselor at Army Community Services to figure out your options. You may also want to speak to a lawyer. While you state that you do not want a divorce, your husband’s actions are not that of a man who wants to stay married.

      In addition, please check with the Women, Infants and Children (WIC) to see if you are eligible for any assistance with food for your children. Also, be sure to utilize the base thrift shop to get the necessary winter items. Most thrift shops offer very, very low prices and often have good quality merchandise. Good luck to you.

  • Help

    I am currently going through a divorce with a Marine. We filed almost a year ago and we are still batteling for custody. In the mean time he is making 3,000 a month and saything that I only get $600 of it. I am working two jobs trying to support our child, and going to school full time. He has only met her three times and is trying for joint custody. He left me with all the bills in our joint name and if I dont pay them it goes towards me. So basically my bills are 1,300 a month and I am working my butt off living alone trying to support our daughter while he lives in luxuray with no responsibility. My daycare alone is $592 a month. Is there anything I can do? My lawyer has been working on the case, I have called numerous places and can not seem to get an answer. Can anyone help or give input as to if that $600 is right or how to legally give him responsibilities for half the bills.

    • KateKashman

      According to the Marine Corps regulations quoted above, he is required to provide 2/3 of his BAH to you. Without knowing where he lives, I can’t tell you how much that might be. Do you have a legal separation agreement? Legal separation agreements usually include child support arrangements. Is your lawyer familiar with military divorces? This is essential to ensuring a fair settlement. Good luck to you!

  • Cristy

    I need some help I recently took my daughters dad to court in August for Childsupport his in the marines he will not show the judge what his total pay is on his LES he tells the judge he doesn’t know so since August we have been in and out court 5 times because the judge doesn’t know what his pay is . How can I proof his total monthly income ? Also he has been claiming that she’s lives with him in order to get more bah she’s 13 and never lived with
    him . Any advice ?

    • KateKashman

      Cristy, I don’t understand why the judge has not ordered him to present his LES or his tax statements. That would be the first thing that I would request. Also, how do you know that he is claiming that she lives with him? Do you have a lawyer who is familiar with the military? Good luck to you.

  • Adam

    My wife and I decided to get a divorce right before I was going to move down to her duty station with her. She had already been living in base housing for a few weeks. It has been 7 months since we have been seperated and she is still living in base housing. Can she get in trouble for this? Also, how can I get a hold of her Command to ask for Spouse Support?

    • KateKashman

      Dear Adam: there are a couple of issues here. First, the military only recognizes you as married or not married. Even though you are separated, the military recognizes you as married until you are divorced. Therefore, your wife is eligible to live in base housing.

      With regard to spousal support, I would tread carefully. I don’t recommend that you start with her command. If you were not living together, and do not have children, it is unlikely that the command is going to require her to pay support to you. Family support is designed to support families. When servicemembers are required to provide support to spouses who are not caring for children, it is usually because the spouse has given up their career to support the military member. If you haven’t even lived together, that logic wouldn’t apply here. Good luck to you.

  • Morgan Carter

    So I recently got out if the army may. With a chapter 8. My husband who is still in left me when I was 9 months pregnant. Yes it is his. And no I’m not living with him anymore. He’s in wa stationed at ft Lewis and I’m in ca. On my own. Only on unemployment at the moment. I’m not too sure what he’s is supposed to be giving me. He’s an e4 and hasn’t even given me a dollar for December. I just need advice on what I should do. Or if anyone knows how much he is supposed to give me. We are not divorced yet but it is in progress. I have already contacted his chain of command. Supposedly he got in trouble for last month but he is even worse this month with not even a dollar. I need as much as advice as possible

    • KateKashman

      Ms. Carter, if there is a military base near you, you can contact the legal office there for assistance. I recommend you retain a lawyer and file for legal separation. As part of the separation agreement, you can request spousal support and child support. While the Army does expect its soldiers to support their families, a legal separation agreement carries a lot more weight and is legally enforcable.

      Good luck to you.

  • Jennifer

    My ex-husband is in the National Guard and he keeps skipping out on his child support order. It gets to where the state enforcement has to threaten to take away his licences before he pays anything. He was getting it taken out of his military pay but it has stopped coming to me. I think he has been skipping drills. What can I do? I don’t know what unit he is in and he won’t tell me. Could his commander do something about it?

    • guest

      No, there is nothing the military can do about it, you have to take it up with a civilian court, a judge can put an order against his paycheck or order interception of his tax returns. He could have gotten out of the National Guard for all you know…

  • Leslie Livesay

    Army spouse, I having issues with my wife and I am afraid that she has abandoned me while leaving for boot camp Dec. 30, 2013. She has been committing adultey for about two months before going into boot camp. We are not legally separated or divorced . I am scared that she is going to go back to MEPS and lie to them about not being married and taking me and my girls off her paperwork for DEERS and ID and BAH and everything else. My wife is the LOVE OF MY LIFE and decided two months before she leaves for boot camp she doesn’t want to have the responsibilities of a wife and two step girls going into the Army. This is so WRONG !
    Anyways, my question to you is . She can get in trouble if she lies correct.
    Her whole reason of joining the ARMY is to PROVIDE A BETTER LIFE FOR HER FAMILY. ME AND OUR GIRLS. Then she did that.
    Could someone please help me.
    How long should it take to get the DEERS packet and information for ID CARD. What if I do not receive it and who do I need to call if she does not follow through with her commitments .

    Please HELP ME !

  • autumn

    my son’s father married a member of the u.s. army after i conceived our son but before he was born is my son entitled to any support

    • Kate

      Your son is eligible for child support from his father. You should contact your local courts to determine how to request child support.

  • Benita

    Well my biggest confusion is why is my husvabd getting $1383 for housing plus $250 for family separation and is only obligated to send me $681? I have several medical bills due to a severe eye condition while my husband is sending $1,000 to his mother, hiding money from me, paying for dating websites, and blocking me from our joint account.

    • Kate

      Benita, the military is not in the business of mediating marital issues. It sounds like you need a lawyer and to file for support through the civilian court system. That is the appropriate way to handle support issues. Good luck to you.

    • guest

      Benita, without a court order, he doesn’t have to send you a dime really, so count yourself lucky that he’s sending you ANYTHING. It’s HIS paycheck, he can split it however he pleases so long as he is meeting his minimum requirements, which he is. Hire a lawyer, get a divorce, but realize the paychecks, and the medical coverage end on divorce more than likely.

  • Allison Woods

    My husband and I have been separated for 2 years now. He was active duty marine in beaufort sc. He cheated a lot. All of the military knew. I was talking to his higher ups and they never did anything for me. Just kept saying to work it out. He does not support his child at all. He got out of active duty and went in reserve. He receives bah for going to school as well. My son has not received a dime. I told him that he gets paid bc of the two dependents that do not depend on him. He says no that the bah is his money and we won’t see a dime. He also has a part time job. He’s been in and out of cash paying jobs so that no support can be taken. Since we haven’t been together, I dont know who to contact. He’s received separation pay while active when we aren’t together and used our base house as a pay house. He’s also caught an std that he order pills online to treat. He tells me it’s not on his Marine record. Idk how this can be. …..what can I do now? It’s been so tough supporting my son alone.

    • guest

      Do you have a court ordered child support and/or seperation order? If not then he doesn’t legally have to pay you anything. Since he’s reserve, not active, there really isn’t anyone to contact. You MUST hire a lawyer, get a formal agreement in place and get the divorce. Without a court order no one can really do anything.

      Unless you had pictures of him and his mistress doing the deed the military really can’t prosecute anyone for adultery.

      The BAH he gets for his GI Bill schooling has absolutely nothing to do with him having you and a child. He himself is entitled to the E5 with dependents rate simply for using the GI Bill

      Bottom line is you have to hire a lawyer familiar with military divorce ASAP

      • Kate

        I’m going to agree with guest. You need to get a lawyer and file for child support and possibly alimony. Just like any other employer, the military doesn’t really care about his personal life unless it interferes with his job performance. Marriage and divorce are civil issues and are handled through the civilian courts. Take the time to educate yourself about military divorce, and try to find a lawyer who thoroughly understands military divorce issues. Good luck to you.

  • Jessica Compton

    My husband is navy. I got out of the army two years ago when we decided to have me go to school. I also have a Lil girl that is mine but knows him as dad since she was very little. About a year ago I think he lost his mind. He’s been threatening me, punched my car, cheating, so I asked for a divorce but we agreed to wait until I graduate and get a job, now with a month away from graduation he says he’s not payinganything and i need to move right now. He knows I have no where to go. He also knows he legally can’t kick me out but he is becoming more and more aggressive, and verbal. Its just not a good situation for my daughter he refuses to leave. He now tells me he wants nothing to do with either one of us. Is there laws for step children? And what can I do about the living situation?

    • Kate

      Jessica, I woudl recommend that you leave, even if you have to go to a shelter. Your safety and the safety of your daughter are the most important things. If you have time, make copies of all your bank account information and relevant stuff. Then, contact an attorney to see about support until you can get a divorce.

      I’m not sure what sort of laws you are asking about for stepchildren.

      Good luck!!

  • Sandra

    Help! My daughters father is on child support in my state. His wife got deployed to another state and about a month after that he moved there with her. Needless to say he haven’t paid me child support in over 4 months and feed me false stories on how he’s going to send something and never does. What can I do? Any suggestion,opinion, or solution is appreciated!

    • Kate

      Sandra, inform the child support agency that your child’s father is not paying his court ordered child support. They will take it up with him. This has nothing to do with the military, or the fact that they’ve moved. He’s not paying, let the enforcement people pursue him. Good luck.

  • Sue

    I was married to a Navy man for 22 years. We divorced, I maintained my ID benefits. I remarried another Navy man, dropped benefits from first husband, but had benefits with second husband. He committed adultery and we split… I lost my my benefits. If my marriage were annulled, could I retain my benefits from my first husband?

    • Kate

      Sue, depending on your age at the time of your remarriage, you may be able to have your benefits reinstated without pursuing an annulment. I don’t know if the military recognizes annulments in this instance; you would need to double check with someone in the finance department (and probably do a lot of research yourself.)

  • amyfanning82

    I was married 9 1/2 yrs. My husband is a TSgt E-5 in the Air Force with 11 years in. I have text, Facebook posts, and 50 plus photos showing he was have inappropriate relations not just with other women since 2011 but with airmen while he was an NCO. I also have written documentation from him admitting to having a girlfriend while we are still married and he verbally confirmed it with me. I have been told conflicting things regarding how much he is required to support me with until the divorce is finalized. some say his whole BAH but others say part. Where can I find the dollar amount of that?

    • Josie

      Amy, this article says that the Air Force does not specify an amount of support, only that it be “adequate.” The article also provides links to the appropriate Air Force regulations. You should probably read them.

      If you don’t have kids, and there is no reason why you are unable to support yourself, “adequate” probably isn’t going to be very much. As you can read in this article, there are huge differences between the services.

  • N_R_L

    Part One: My daughter is married to a Marine. He wants a divorce. They have been married 1 1/2 years. They have no children. They are in Hawaii. We think he is bipolar and this has added to the destruction of the marriage. He has never been diagnosed but his mother is bipolar and his brother and mother have both stated he too is bipolar. Can she demand a full psychological evaluation? There is documentation of his bizarre behavior. Documentation exists of a possible adulterous relationship with his boss or at least fraternization. Additionally, he has made false accusations against my daughter that she proved were false. There are many things in the marriage including financial abuse that she never reported as she wanted to honor her vows and stand beside her husband for better for worse in sickness and in health.

  • N_R_L

    Part Two: Now, she no longer has that option as HE wants to move forward with a divorce. It appears that command has only HIS interest at heart. When she reports to them, they immediately report to him and call her reports “griping” when they are legitimate concerns. They tell her she is Marine Family and they will protect her but there actions are to the contrary. She is alone, no family or support in Hawaii and feels like she is up against the entire Marine Corps alone. He supported her during this time. Prior to the marriage she always worked. Now all she wants/needs is to get back to the mainland with all her belongings, help obtaining a place to live, and support until she can find employment/support herself again.

  • N_R_L

    Part Three: He served her papers stating he was not providing any support. She has not signed them. She has been told conflicting courses of action and is so overwhelmed and confused. He told her the papers were worhless without her signature but upon reading them they state if she does not respond within 20 days the divorce can go through. She needs a civilian lawyer familiar with Military Divorce. Will he have to pay for a lawyer for her? I am trying to help her but it is hard with the time difference and I work full time myself. We are afraid he is up to something. Please respond. We really need guidance/help. Thank you, a concerned and caring Mom.

    • Kate

      N_R_L: Divorce is not a military issue, except to the point where there are certain laws regarding benefits and division of retirement pay for long marriages. Your daughter is subject to the same divorce laws as any other person in Hawaii, except that she has the option of filing for divorce in the state of his permanent residence. If he has already filed for divorce, then she needs to get a lawyer and respond to his filing. This is not difficult; a quick internet search on Hawaii military divorce produces many options. I usually recommend a highly experienced lawyer, but this is not so necessary for a 1 1/2 year marriage. The expense is her responsibility, though she could certainly request that he pay the costs as part of the settlement agreement.

      Because Hawaii is considered an Outside the Continental United States (OCONUS) location, the military will pay for her to return to the mainland under a program called “Early Return of Dependents.” This can be done at any point during the divorce proceedings. Doing it earlier can be more comfortable for the spouse, who can get settled in his or her new home, but also means that the divorce proceedings will occur long-distance. This can be more challenging and more expensive.

      Your daughter may find this fact sheet helpful:

      • N_R_L

        Thank you. I appreciate your input, guidance and help. SO the applies to the Marines as well?

        • guest

          It’s military in general.

        • Kate

          It is just a general fact sheet about divorce and the military. It is not branch specific.

  • Kate

    Dolores, marriage is not a military issue. Your daughter needs to file for separation and, if she thinks it is appropriate, spousal support. The Marine Corps does have regulations (listed quite clearly above) that detail the Marine Corps’ expectation for support until the time that the courts are able to act. Beyond that, your daughter will need to pick up and move on.

  • Lauren

    My husband is going to get family separation pay while he’s in school for a few months but he said it’s his money and he won’t send me any. He doesn’t give me money now but I saved up money for my bills before I quit my job and moved to his duty station. So I pay everything on my own. Can he get in trouble for keeping it and not sending me anything? I just feel like he shouldn’t get it at all if he’s just going to spend it on personal stuff for himself.

    • Kate

      Lauren, you have a problem that is MUCH bigger than just the issue of family separation pay. What sort of conversations about money did your husband and you have before you got married? How did you decide that you would handle your finances?

      In my opinion, your husband shouldn’t be “giving” you money at all because you should share finances, including income and expenses. At this time, he has the income because you quit your job to move to be with him. He can’t expect you to live on nothing. How do you see this playing out over the next 20 or 50 years? What happens if you have to quit your job every time he has PCS orders? What happens if he leaves the military? What if you have children and stay home to care for them?

      I strongly recommend that you talk to a financial counselor AND a marital counselor. It is possible that your husband thinks that he has perfectly sensible reasons for how he wants things to be handled, but they are just not realistic given the demands of the military lifestyle. Even if you choose, together, to keep some finances separate, you still have to plan as a couple.

      You can get help via your base’s family support center, or ask around to see where the Military and Family Life Consultants (MFLC) are located.

      I know this is going to be very difficult, but your husband needs to see the entire situation, and soon. His behavior will eventually cause problems in the rest of your marriage (if it hasn’t already.) Married finances require a team approach, and he’s playing like he’s on a team of one.

  • Jeff

    I caught my wife cheating on me for a second time. I filed for divorce and she feld the country with my kids. I am fighting currently for custody of my kids, for my divorce, and filed a Hague Convention Violation. My question is. Since she fled the country of her own free will, do I have to provide her a vehicle since she abandoned her vehicle here. I am stationed in Ramstein Germany. I cant get an appointment with the JAG here on base for the next 30 days due to them being booked solid. I need an legal answer to this because she is trying to get my leadership to force me shipping her car to Colorado.

    • Kate

      Jeff, you have multiple issues here, and I am not a lawyer. The JAG will not be able to help you with your divorce other than to give general information; I hope you have a good lawyer in the state in which you filed for divorce. In particular, you would benefit from a lawyer that understands divorce from overseas.

      I don’t even know if it is considered leaving the country (Germany) if she has returned to the country where you both live (besides military service.) Since she was only in Germany due to your military service, she was required to leave at some point during the divorce.

      At the time that you filed for divorce, there should have been some sort of separation agreement or support agreement or similar document. That would always supercede the military’s suggestions for support. I also think the terms and tone of that document can be important in deciding future issues. The car is one of those future issues.

      Had your wife waiting out the process and done a military paid Early Return of Dependents, you would be authorized the shipment of a car with that ERD. That would take your vehicle shipment spot in your move back home.

      In my opinion, she gave up a lot of rights and benefits by leaving Germany without going through the ERD process. If I were in your shoes, and my lawyer wasn’t versed on these issues, I would explain to your leadership that you would have been glad to ship her car as part of the ERD process, but she did not give you that option when she chose to leave. (I’d avoid using words like “fled.”)

      I am assuming that you have two cars, and that her car was the “main car” and the one that was transported to Europe by the military. If that is not the case, then another possible argument is that the vehicle in question was never intended to return to the US and was purchased with the intent to use it during your time in Germany and to be resold. This will be a much more plausible explanation if it is true.

      Look, I feel like I am getting in way over my head here. I’m tempted to just delete this whole comment, but I don’t want you to feel ignored. The short answer is that you need a civilian lawyer who has significant experience with military divorce from overseas. I’m not sure how you find those people, though they do seem to be all over around KMC.

      Best of luck to you, and let us know how it all turns out.

      Repeat: I am not a lawyer. These are just my opinions.

      • Jeff

        Thank you for your quick reply. I filed for divorce in TN, my home of record since 1997. My wife filed for dismissal of my case due to her not living there. She has been in CO since the 8th of June. She had her lawyer lie and tell the judge that i had never lived in TN and only claimed TN for tax purposes. I lived in TN for 2 years and working for Southwest Airlines in Nashville prior to leaving for military service. So yes I lived and worked there. But her lawyer got to speak first and the damage had already been done. The judge also had NO idea what a military home of record was and said that because I had not lived in TN for the last year that I had no grounds to file in TN. Now I have to appeal that and it will end up costing me another 4-6K with my lawyers. (I looke up the judge…. Clara Byrd in Lebanon TN…. they are looking to disbar her for not following laws and statutes… ) She had no idea how to handle this military related case. My only other option is to file in Germany cause that is the only place I technically have residency with since I am stationed here. But there is a 1 year separation period i have to go through before they will grant me a divorce. And all this time I get no visitation with my kids. I dont have the money to fly from Germany to CO to visit them especially with fighting court cases in 2 countries. And she only lets me skype with them for a couple of minutes every 4-6 days. and I try to skype with them everyday, but she always gives some sort of excuse for me not to be able to see them. My wife filmed her sexual encounters in the house while the kids were still in the house and while I was deployed she let known drug dealers babysit them and there was also a drug transaction in the house while she was not there. I am at the end of my rope…… I refuse to do an ERD without a divorce decree because I have already seen text messages of what her plan was. She was planning to do an ERD to get the BAH and stay at a friends house and just collect the money every month, all the while never planning to file for divorce and extending out our marriage til after 10 years. Sheesh…..

        • Jeff

          Also there was no separation agreement before she left. Absolutely nothing was written down on what I was “going” to support. While she was here I agreed to pay $400 a month to her for Dependant Support. The first shirt said that because she left on her own accord that I do not have to pay more than that with her being in the states. So until we get divorced that will be all that she receives.

          • guest

            Jeff, if you and her lived and got married in CO, before Germany, that would be where you file for divorce, it’s not usually your HOR, it’s the state you last resided in, or the state the kids have residency in. If you were married in TN and that was last residency then you would file for divorce there. For example, my husband married in Germany, HOR was CA but he got divorced in KY since that was where his son was living at the time.

            The child support guidelines for CO and TN are about the same so there is no benefit to filing for in one over the other. A VERY important thing is to get a lawyer well versed in military divorce and have him seek a deviation from the child support amount to cover travel expenses for you to see your kids.

            My husband did not do this at first…it’s cost us 12 grand a year to see his son because his ex wouldn’t let him fly or stay in our home. We got it modified after a 20k court battle and 3 years of fighting. DO NOT DO this. Get it written into your decree exactly how the travel arrangements are going to work, and if you are going to be responsible for the travel expenses, seek a reduction in child support to cover it.

            I am assuming your wife doesn’t work, which is going to work against you since these states combine the GROSS income (and this includes all your allotments to include BAH, clothing, BAS in both states) to see who is responsible for what portion of child support and how much each pays. You can fight to impute income to her, but they will probably only impute minimum wage.

            In addition to that, even if you aren’t married 10 years, she can still receive a portion of your military retirement. All the 10 year mark means is that DFAS will pay her, under the 10 year mark, you have to pay her directly. You can be married as little as one year and she could still go after a portion of your retirement pension. It is very important to get the wording in your decree correct in regards to this. You have to get it in writing that she waives rights to the pension or she can come back later on after it. If she does receive a portion, you need to get the wording right to ensure that she gets a portion based on your current rank and pay and that she doesn’t receive retirement pay based on your rank and inflation 10 years from now. Or better yet try to get it as a set dollar amount, this will be difficult to do though unless her lawyer is bad. And hope that he/she is because you’ll probably get stuck footing her legal bill too if she doesn’t have a job.

            Point blank, DO NOT skimp on a damn good lawyer. Welcome to the club of servicemembers getting screwed over for life.

            My husbands ex did the exact same thing (he wasn’t even sure his son was his, had to do a DNA test, she remarried a week after the divorce was final and is now on her 4th or 5th husband) and 14 years later she is still screwing him over by refusing to work, refusing to educate herself, refusing visitation because whomever she is currently married to is my husbands sons “real father” etc. You are going to be paying out your nose to support that woman and those kids for a VERY long time. Hire a lawyer and make sure you don’t get totally screwed over.

          • guest

            Also, I hate to say it but that fact that she’s a lying cheating skank will have no bearing on your divorce, most states are no fault. All the judge will care about is the dollar signs and the divying up of resources.

  • Bobbie

    Who do you contact about this if they are with the Army in KY…. he told my niece he wanted a devorce after Christmas and she had to move back home to Oklahoma with no support at all blocked her from facebook and blocks all her phone calls she had a 2yr old daughter and he has not filed for devorce but still is drawing money on them…. we need help

  • Nelia Angeles

    My daughter receiving child support from his father was in Navy Military, and for some reason, the allotment stop last November 2013 with no further notice. And until now I can’t find answer why they stop the child support since my daughter is only 14 years old. Please Kindly assist me on this matters. I don’t know where to contact because where living Japan. And I try to contact Disbursing and PSD but no one assist me and instead they just ignore me and said that they don’t have nothing to do on it…. Please help me for this matters.

    • guest

      No one here can assist you. You will have to hire a civilian lawyer in the US and go through the courts. You can also try actually speaking with your ex and see if he is aware of the situation.

    • Kate

      Child support is a civilian issue. An allotment set up through the military is just a form of direct deposit that is set up by the military member to pay bills that they want to make sure are being paid. It isn’t decided by the military in any way. The guest below’s advice is completely accurate: First, talk to him. Second, get a lawyer. Good luck.

  • Jhunnie

    I have child to a navy service men and his married and has family, but we had an agreement that he will support his child because his not in his custody and where living in japan. And he did, the navy help me to get fix the needs of my child from his father including ID to get inside the base and comissary, but the child support cut off last November 2013 until now and I don’t know where to Ask why it’s cut off since my child is only 14 years old and my they said before that the child support was given up to 18 years old of the child. and the ID also expired and I call the PSD in yokosuka base and the person that I talk too said that they don’t have nothing to do on it because the father deployed in San Diego and his not living in Japan anymore. Is there any hope to report the cut child support to the incharge on this child support? Please help me I don’t have contact to his father anymore all I know is that he is in San Diego Ca.

  • Alex

    I am at a loss. My soon to be ex-husband in the Marine Corps filed the child support papers with the wrong LES! I do know that until our divorce is final he still get BAS. He filed the child support without BAS and is only paying $336 in the state of Kentucky for our son. I am struggling on my own to take care of the baby as it is. He also won’t ship our belongings back to us from California. Complains to me that he can’t afford anything but is living in an apartment instead of the barracks as an E-3. Not to mention flying his former girlfriend from Michigan to California I’m pretty sure of to see him. That particular one I have no concrete proof of but I have a gut feeling that he did. I have no idea who to contact or how to take care of this and frankly, if I had it my way, he would be eternally out of our lives.